I have 4 adult children, 2 married with children, one living at home, and one who got "lost."
At 26, she has been living with a man she met at college (he graduated, she didn't) since some time during her first year at school. Last summer she had a minor medical emergency & called me to come across the country to be with her. By the time I got there, her boyfriend had already arrived & he physically kept himself between us, saying that he felt he should stay by her side while she was ill. I made some caustic remarks about their living arrangements and how I felt I had some rights to spend some time with my daughter, but she got angry and sent me home. I tried to apologize over the phone several times that very night, as well as the days to follow, but she refuses to take my calls.
She has told her sister that, since she has started to pretend I don't exist, her life is far less stressful than ever before.
I just don't know what to do. She was always so bubbly and fun to be around when she was at home, but since she left for college she has become secretive and elusive. She spends holidays with his family and doesn't even call or send cards on holidays or my birthday.
I am very close with my other children. We talk a lot even though we live in different states. Still, we keep up with the news...good and bad. Needless to say, this is affecting the whole family because we all love her and miss her, and we're all just a bit leery of the boyfriend nobody really knows much about.
What's going on? My husband says that she is living her life the way she wants and I should leave her alone. That's not acceptable to me. I am very hurt and, frankly, quite suspicious of the boyfriend, who has a menial job despite his academic success. I am afraid that he may have turned her against us even before the incident last summer. We tried to be hospitable on the two or three occasions when we met him, but he seems difficult to get to know.
Does anybody have any advice on what I can do to resolve this? Each time I think about her, my heart breaks a little more.
At 26, she has been living with a man she met at college (he graduated, she didn't) since some time during her first year at school. Last summer she had a minor medical emergency & called me to come across the country to be with her. By the time I got there, her boyfriend had already arrived & he physically kept himself between us, saying that he felt he should stay by her side while she was ill. I made some caustic remarks about their living arrangements and how I felt I had some rights to spend some time with my daughter, but she got angry and sent me home. I tried to apologize over the phone several times that very night, as well as the days to follow, but she refuses to take my calls.
She has told her sister that, since she has started to pretend I don't exist, her life is far less stressful than ever before.
I just don't know what to do. She was always so bubbly and fun to be around when she was at home, but since she left for college she has become secretive and elusive. She spends holidays with his family and doesn't even call or send cards on holidays or my birthday.
I am very close with my other children. We talk a lot even though we live in different states. Still, we keep up with the news...good and bad. Needless to say, this is affecting the whole family because we all love her and miss her, and we're all just a bit leery of the boyfriend nobody really knows much about.
What's going on? My husband says that she is living her life the way she wants and I should leave her alone. That's not acceptable to me. I am very hurt and, frankly, quite suspicious of the boyfriend, who has a menial job despite his academic success. I am afraid that he may have turned her against us even before the incident last summer. We tried to be hospitable on the two or three occasions when we met him, but he seems difficult to get to know.
Does anybody have any advice on what I can do to resolve this? Each time I think about her, my heart breaks a little more.
For all that you have gone through.
